The previous few posts have been a little too dry and boring – long winded articles more boring than Baba Ramdev’s lectures. So here I present a profile of my role model !! Let me start by telling you of my childhood.
Le Teacher: Students, what do you want to be when you become old?
Le Student1 : M.B.A
Le Student2 : Engineer
Le Student3 : Tendulkar
Le Me : Vijay Mallya
Le Class : Coooooooooooollllllllll !!!!
I have now realized that I became what many noobs in my college aspired ! But I will never be able to become what I aspire for – Doctor Mallya. And that is because – NO ONE CAN BE MALLYA.
Dr. Vijay Mallya – he has been an icon, a legend and an inspiration for many people of my generation. His single minded vision for a capitalist India has always pushed us to be smarter, cunning, crooked and greedy (& perverted and drunk.. :P). He is the shining epitome of what one man can achieve by boozing all day and partying all night. No doubt, today he is the most carefree and blessed person in the entire country.
Parents might talk of studying hard and getting good marks, teachers might sing laurels to the values of Tatas – hell, Bollywood will speak glowingly of Ambani’s rags-to-riches story, but you will have to accept – somewhere in the deep dark corner of our heart, somewhere close to the lungs darkened by tobacco, where the aorta pumping blood to the heart goes – there is a small admiration for the Doctor. Values be damned, education be damned, mindless partying has its incentives !! Why become an Ambani when you can become a Mallya. Imagine, your own luxury jets, yachts, airlines, breweries, real estate, stud farms, sports teams, “Calenders”.. And an entire army of sycophant staff willing to work hard to ensure that you carry on with your lifestyle. All this, he got not by hard work, but by partying. He has always been a believer in the adages :
- Work Less and Party Hard.
- You can have the cake, eat it too – and get someone else to pay for it.
- A stitch in time, saves none.
- No problem is a problem.
- No pain, pure gain.
The Doctor has 3 hands – one hand dipped in business, one in politics and one in entertainment. Look at Kingfisher Airlines – the staff work for free for months on end. When they protest – Doctor writes a single letter, and “All Izz Well“. You think its only the poor aam admi who do that – Wrong !! His sport stars have not been paid. Still they line up to rock the stadiums with their amazing performances. Gayle babu will give his life, but will not leave the Doctor for any other team in the world. That is the power of the charisma that the Doctor possesses. I dream of the day when the Doctor gets to run this country. Simple solution to all the fancy economic crises – borrow! Doctor’s philosophy has always been “If you owe the bank $1,000 it is your problem. But if you owe the Bank $1 Million Billion Trillion, the bank better be ready to lend more money or go bust. And there is no problem which can not be solved by outsourcing it to some subordinate who will work for free. Seriously, all your elected jokers sitting in parliament have a soft corner for the Doctor. The Nation be damned, Doctor’s interests are paramount. You might wonder “Why Do They Do This For Him?”, It is because “Unhonein Uska Daru Piya Hai”. And you can betray the one whose salt you eat, the one whose vote you get, the one whose spectrum you sell, the one bribe you take, BUT NOT THE ONE WHOSE DAARU YOU DRINK. A prolific writer, he has authored many books like “I Moved Your Cheese”, “The One Peg Manager” etc.
Seriously, your Prime Minister needs to take lessons in management from Doctor. Look at the poor fellow, every week a new crisis – and he is absolutely clueless – every subordinate looking at the chair, a crown prince lying in wait, and endless advisers advising. For Doctor Sahab, no problem is big. His solution to Kingfisher not flying – Drink Kingfisher and fly. It was all just a marketing gimmick to sell more Beer. And by golly, he did sell more beer ! Did you stupid mortals not get his subtle message in naming his Airlines “Kingfisher” or “Red”. If he wanted a really cool profitable Airline, he would have named it “Eagle Airlines”, or “Crow Airlines”. He would have used colours like Green, or at least yellow, but Red !! That was his own way of telling – This Airlines is going to be in Red ALWAYS. So get a grip, and get drunk. In hindsight, while I am writing this and you are reading this, Doctor is partying in some exotic locale – something which you have always aspired. Probably always will keep aspiring. After all, icons like him come only once in a millennium! Maybe he has one teeny tiny problem – Sid !! But as I will show in my subsequent posts, he is well on his way to surpassing his illustrious father.